You've Gone to 2nd Base in a Relationship, But is it Love?Have you wondered about the deeper meaning of 2nd base in a relationship? We thought so. We get your letters and 2nd base still has good-girls asking, is it love? So, on your behalf ladies, we've done some research (heh heh) and we'll share that momentarily. For those of us born before DEVO hit the charts, the bases were pretty simple steps to follow. This is what we knew:
Don't you miss the days when those sexual bases were so clearly defined? We do. In fact, Whitney gasped out loud and waved her fan about madly to keep from losing consciousness when she learned the new definition of dating third base. Liria was too busy 'studying' the subject to be shocked. We're here to help you defend your honor (or lose it, depending). Wherever you fall on the modesty continuum, listen up gals. First base is still pretty tame. But here’s what 2nd base in a relationship and dating third base mean to your reputation today. 1st Base in a Relationship: The PuntBack in the good old days, this was defined as kissing, with or without tongue (your choice) on the mouth. Today, first base in a relationship includes kissing and touching anything above the waistline. If you’re looking for long-term love, first base is best saved for the 2nd or 3rd date. In fact, modest gals will still want to know his middle name, his first pet’s name, and his mother’s maiden name before getting to 1st base. 2nd Base in a Relationship: The Fly BallGone are the days when the whispered to our friends in the locker room, “Did you let him get to second?!” We were aghast and shocked and not a little titillated when Racey Reynolds proudly declared that she let her date get to the outfield (or up her shirt). Today, getting to second involves hands fiddling under skirts and in trousers. We would paint you a bigger picture but really what else is there to say? Modest Millies won't mind waiting until the seventh date to hit 2nd base in a relationship. If you're taking our advice and taking it slow, we advise you be in possession of his home address, his police history, and his high school transcript before visiting this base. If you play it right, by the time you get to 2nd base in you relationship, you'll have him declaring undying love. No matter what they tell you, men love to work for it. It's primal. So work it ladies. It works! Dating, Third Base: Who's on 3rd? The OutfielderOnce upon a time in a land far far away, sexual, dating third base was the place you went right before marriage. It was spoken of in hushed tones in dark alleys. Alas, no more! The Trap Him gals learned from Oprah that third base is being hit by grade-schoolers on yellow busses. In a nutshell, oral sex is the new dating third base. That bit of naughtiness that’s still illegal in some southern states is now de rigueur for kids who aren’t even in high school. Guess which one of us just passed out in a dead faint! When looking for a long-term relationship, the Trap Him gals advise waiting until at least the twelfth date before your mouth meets his unmentionables or you let his mouth entertain yours. It’s just good breeding. The Sexual Homerun: Aptly Named Sliding into HomeThe homerun is basically the same as it ever was, except that the number of positions has changed dramatically. And while homeruns were once reserved for girls with reputations, this is no longer the case. Before sliding into home, you should trade current AIDS test results. You may want to have met his parents, and you should know his college roommate's middle name. One last bit of advice, don’t forget the “love glove.” It will help you avoid an unwanted pregnancy and help to keep some of those other pesky STD’s away. Ready to Win the War on Happily Ever After? In the battle of the sexes, we've your secret weapon: Trap Him, Feed Him, Keep Him: A Girlfriend's Guide to Happily Ever After. In every issue you'll get advice your girlfriends want to give, but can't. When you're ready to be smart about love, we're right here. Don't miss an issue, subscribe today.
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